Let me start this with, grief and sadness are assholes. They come in and just take over everything, not giving a shit. The real question is- how do you stay afloat when they arrive? How do you say goodbye to the darkness?
I have been going through my own personal darkness and it has reached an apex, if you will. Quite frankly, it’s been hard to get through. Probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done to this day.
While it may be vague, it’s because I am just not ready to share the interpersonal details with the public yet. Those around me know what has been going on and they have seen me in my darkness, my sadness.
I typically consider myself a pretty strong person, but this series of events, they definitely broke me. So how does one pull themselves out? How does one come out stronger from the events that are meant to tear them apart?
It’s not easy. Honestly, it has taken years of being put into many austere events that I have learned how to cope in the darkest of moments. I write this in hopes that it may help you if you are going through something of the not-so-great variety.
First off, take a knee. I know everyone in this community hates that, but it’s true, and it is something that I have recommended previously. You are absolutely no good to ANYONE if you are not okay. So take your moment, refuckinggroup, and drive on.
Next, my best advice is find anyone to talk to and provide an outlet. Even if you feel isolated or that you have no one, there are a multitude of ways you can speak to an outside source. Chaplains if you are religious, Military OneSource will provide free counseling sessions, the VA (as horrible as it is), and so many more. The resources are there, find one and just talk.
Let it out. Even if you think that person doesn’t understand, chances are it will make you feel better to just tell someone something about what is going on with you. You are not alone. I know it can feel that way when sadness and anxiety grip you, but you are not.
I can also say, it’s okay to not be okay around people. We are human and our fellow humans appreciate when they see that come from us. It makes us all feel… well, human.
Lastly, and most honestly, find an outlet. A physical outlet. It does not have to be the gym! I just spent a lot of my off time for the last few months wreaking havoc on my house, cleaning, decluttering, organizing, as I have gone through all of this.
I have also been known to mow the lawn, walk around the grocery store for over an hour, and anything else I felt I could do almost mindlessly. I didn’t just sit at home being sad and depressed. That just sucks you into an even deeper black hole.
Usually people find it helpful to focus on outside tasks. (I am sure there is some form of psychology that goes along with some of this, but I am not a medical professional.) I am only a person who has gone through her fair share of hurt, anger, upset, sadness, and other arrays of emotions.
You will see me back at work Monday, smiling, and ready to take on life again. It’s not because I am not still hurting, but because I know that I have to keep moving to move forward. If you sit and dwell on all of the sadness and pain in life, you may as well never leave bed!
And as amazing as that kind of sounds, well, bills and adulting my friends. They just don’t pay themselves!
What are your coping mechanisms for grief and sadness? How do you pull yourself out of the darkness?