Coronavirus

Coronavirus Health Tips

Coronavirus coming to the US, how should you prep? I mean we shouldn’t even need to tell you guys all of this. Really. You should know how to clean yourselves and what proper hygiene looks like BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT since there are an alarming amount of fear-mongering articles out there talking about how COVD-19 is going to quite literally fuck our lives up for the foreseeable future (until there is another hot scandal of some sort amirite?) We thought it prudent to give you this handy dandy guide on how to minimize your chances of catching the Coronavirus.

Step 1: Don’t visit China. Or just like Asia in general right now, it’s not a solid plan, you’re definitely going to inadvertently get coughed or sneezed on and then your dumbass is going to try and bring that shit back here. How about ya don’t, ok? Just wait till this shit dies off or we get a cool vaccine…sucks to be an anti-vaxxer now huh?

Step 2: Wash, for the love of all that is holy and good, your nasty hands. I know you didn’t piss on your hand, but bacteria, germs, and viruses live on the surface of our skin and dark, damp, warm places…ehem tend to allow bacteria and other germs to grow quite well. Ever wondered why you got athletes foot? Exactly. Wash your nasty hands with soap and hot water. Pretend like you’re McDreamy on Greys Anatomy and scrub up for surgery…I don’t even know if that is accurate because I never watched the show, BUT, you get the point. Wash your hands or use hand sanitizer. Alcohol-based(not the kind you can drink).

Step 3: Keep about 3 feet away…wait a minute, sneezes can hit you from 3 feet away…look step 3 is actually, cover your fucking mouth when you cough or sneeze, and do it the vampire way where you cough/sneeze into your elbow. I’m not about to shake your hand after watching you sneeze a fresh set of coronavirus into it. Nasty. Practice dispersion and cover your gross mouth.

Step 4: Don’t touch your face. Guess what, your hands are dirty. With all the things you touch all day, there are billions of germs/bacteria/virus whatever, on your hands, then you bring your hands up to your face with your eyes, nose, and mouth, all of which are portals for infection, and then you touch your face. Don’t, or if you do, make sure you washed your hands right beforehand. Gross ass mofos.

Step 5: If you think you’re sick, or have a fever, coughing a lot…go to the doctor and wear a facemask/shield thingy so you’re not infecting the entire doctor’s office.

We’re certain that the Coronavirus is going to hit some harder than others, but as long as you follow these simple steps, you should minimize your likelihood of becoming infected.

The source for all of these tips is the World Health Organization (click here and on World Health Organization, mainly this whole line), they have downloadable assets so you can show your nasty co-workers how to not be a health liability if they’re unable to read.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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