There are many rumors as to how the Coronavirus (COVID-19) began. Some say it was from eating bats, others believe it was a bio-weapon China leaked to subdue the Hong Kong protestors. We, however, want to offer an alternative solution. “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth” … or whatever that nerd Sherlock Holmes said.
Reports say 38% of Americans won’t drink Corona beer as a result of the outbreak. My friends, Corona beer is literally made of alcohol and alcohol kills viruses! Any learned doctor will tell you that. Despite this, Corona beer sales have plummeted. The evidence is clearly demonstrated by this below scientific chart.
According to my platoon medic (who we all call Doc) Corona beer, when taken with a dose of sandy beaches, is shown to have immediate healing properties. You can’t inhale the virus if you’re busy inhaling alcoholic man-sodas… Just saying.
We all know white socks with your duty uniform is a strict no-no in the military, but hear us out. White reflects sunlight, and studies have shown ultraviolet light kills bacteria and viruses. So some PFC probably ordered socks online and didn’t wash his nasty feet, thus creating a petri dish for the COVID-19. Also being a cheap son-of-a-bitch, this dumbass PFC probably sought to return the white socks, and use the refund money on strippers. When the socks arrived in China, the trench foot socks began to wreak havoc.
All jokes aside, wash your hands, don’t touch your face and STAY HOME if you’re sick! It’s important we all work together to combat this before it gets too big. Coronavirus may not be as big as some alarmists are claiming, but why take the chance? If you have any ideas on how this started, drop them in the comments!