Corona beer vs Coronavirus

There are many rumors as to how the Coronavirus (COVID-19) began. Some say it was from eating bats, others believe it was a bio-weapon China leaked to subdue the Hong Kong protestors. We, however, want to offer an alternative solution. “Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth” … or whatever that nerd Sherlock Holmes said.

Corona wars

Reports say 38% of Americans won’t drink Corona beer as a result of the outbreak. My friends, Corona beer is literally made of alcohol and alcohol kills viruses! Any learned doctor will tell you that. Despite this, Corona beer sales have plummeted.  The evidence is clearly demonstrated by this below scientific chart.

According to my platoon medic (who we all call Doc) Corona beer, when taken with a dose of sandy beaches, is shown to have immediate healing properties. You can’t inhale the virus if you’re busy inhaling alcoholic man-sodas… Just saying.

 (Not a real graph)

White socks

We all know white socks with your duty uniform is a strict no-no in the military, but hear us out. White reflects sunlight, and studies have shown ultraviolet light kills bacteria and viruses. So some PFC probably ordered socks online and didn’t wash his nasty feet, thus creating a petri dish for the COVID-19. Also being a cheap son-of-a-bitch, this dumbass PFC probably sought to return the white socks, and use the refund money on strippers. When the socks arrived in China, the trench foot socks began to wreak havoc.

All jokes aside, wash your hands, don’t touch your face and STAY HOME if you’re sick! It’s important we all work together to combat this before it gets too big. Coronavirus may not be as big as some alarmists are claiming, but why take the chance? If you have any ideas on how this started, drop them in the comments!

Know what we're sayin fam?

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24 thoughts on “Corona beer vs Coronavirus”

  1. Avatar

    Amen to the washing of the hands! Pet peeve as a nurse is that people only do it when there’s an outbreak!

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    Great post! It’s common sense, it’s just a strain of the flu, wash hands, take care of yourself, and as for the people that think Corona beer is the cause of the virus….. I have no words…. the only thing that beer might cause you in the form of illness is a hangover.

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    It’s scary how many ignorant people populate this great nation. This is one example of why the founding fathers made the electoral college to help counterbalance the vote of the ignorant masses on both sides of the political spectrum.

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    Corona…Beer: drink it but it taste like sht. Corona…virus: don’t want it but hey W.H.O does lol

    Long story short drink beer be-it Corona or any brand you desire…and wash your hands, keep your sick asses home America. And for fcks sake if you are sick cover your coughs and sneezes!

    Fiidbfor thought…How about we export all used tissues to ISIS via sealed packages. I see two birds with one stone scenario lol

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    Nicholas Abbondondolo

    I love it. I still drink my Corona’s proudly wearing my Gs shirts eating my bacon smacking my girls ass with my pistol hand

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    It looks like Corona sales were already declining and have not declined at the rate of the virus. It has been a steady decline. I’m sure there are some stupid people that stop drinking it but I wouldn’t attribute the rate of decline on the virus itself. I think the market is really in a craft beer stage. People are buying more niche beers and from local microbrews.

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    Personally I’m grateful for the virus. Terrible taste wasn’t enough to dissuade people from drinking that piss water.

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    I really just think it’s the government scaring people again look on the bottle of Lysol why the hell is the corona virus on that shit

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    As always drink drink responsibly! Unless you are in your 40s still living with your parents talking smack online as a fierced facebook warrior.

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    People, it’s like when the swin flu was out and people had to wear mask. Nothing different than the flu going around non stop here lately.

  11. Avatar
    Leticia Breunig

    Every shelf in the local Walmart is completely barren of hand sanitizer, all disinfectant cleaner, etc…what in the actual fuck people??? Did you not wash/clean your nastiness prior to this??? You deserve to get it if you didn’t.


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