Survival kits: according to combat Veterans

Categories: Life Hacks, Satire, Survival
survival

Travel restrictions are sweeping the world, and now is the time to gather any last minute supplies. We asked 3 combat Veterans, of various branches each, what their top essential survival items were. We consolidated the three top answers and have listed them below:

survival

Survival Jetpack

Foremost, this is clearly a no-brainer. One should always have a jetpack, and more importantly plenty of fuel on reserves. If you need to make a quick escape: boom jetpack. Heard toilet paper is restocked and you need to beat the rush? Boom, jet pack. A British company named Gravity Industries has been testing one with the Royal Special Forces. In other words, “If your jetpack is good enough for the Queen, it’s good enough for me!”

Super Essential Flame thrower

Secondly, imagine how much cooler a jetpack would be if you had a flame thrower. You could do napalm style runs over targets. However, this must have item is a bit more regulated. The Boring Company was selling theirs for around $500 each, until they sold out.

“Flamethrower, (obviously) best way to light your fireplace/BBQ,” said billionaire Elon Musk. This dude is a genius so we’ll take his advice. It would be a total power move to embarrass rival dads too.

Can’t leave home without it Hydration bladder

Wielding flames and soaring through the air is a surefire way to become dehydrated. Surely, we can not allow that to happen. It’s important to have hands-free hydration on the go. This may not be as flashy as the other two, but we trust you can see how important it truly is. After all, it can also be filled with whiskey at the end of the day to keep the party going.

Let us know what your “must have” survival items are below in the comments, and maybe we’ll do a part two with the best answers!

Know what we're sayin fam?

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11 thoughts on “Survival kits: according to combat Veterans

  1. Well I’m an Army Veteran and I believe that there are 4 things that I would need. 1) absolutely water. 2) a flint to start a fire. 3) a good knife. 4) a great weapon.

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  2. Didn’t see the tactical chainsaw? Proven combat effectiveness in several horror movies! Great for CQB, door breaching, hair grooming, and several other handy uses. Its kinda like a Pacific Northwest multi-tool, and like always, size matters!

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  3. So this may also be an obvious pick, especially in a community of vets but I’ll say it anyway…. 500 highly functioning AI, skynet style, killer robots to do anything I ask. I mean what literally could not be done with 500 killing machines that only need to feed on the fears of those enemies and maybe a quick solar recharge to survive. So far I just know a guy that when to school with another guy who builds robot cars but I’m sure I’ll have at least 500 fully assembled metal grim reapers by the time it becomes necessary. Again this was very obvious but just wanted to make sure we can check it off the list ya know..

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  4. Its hard to add to this list… As all 3 are extremely essential.
    Flying ✔
    Shooting flames ✔
    Staying hydrated ✔
    However, i HAVE to add a sidecar to my jetpack, so my kids and hubby can take turns going on patrol with me 😆

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