Most of us went to boot camp and had our minds blown. Whether you had Drill Instructors, Drill Sergeants, or something else, we all were like sponges. Essentially, we just downloaded our personalities from them. If you didn’t do at least one boot camp impression, then you can stop reading and go be a liar elsewhere. As for the rest of us, we hung on nearly every charismatic word. Letters also held a certain gospel like authority of events back home. Although, we were all bamboozled at some point or another.
Please, be the one
Sometimes you would hear a superior say something to the effect of “be the one who shows up with an empty canteen.”
Bothers and sisters, whatever you did, I certainly hope you were not the one to do whatever it was they were talking about. They would beg you, emphatically. However, it was always a trap. It was the road to ruin and a death sentence. You could always tell by the sardonic look in their eyes, it was more of a threat. However, there was always some ASVAB waiver who took them literally, and did exactly as they were told. Thus, suffering a terrible fate.
Have a dessert
In the chow hall, there was a little table with cakes and cookies. It was usually right next to where the Drill Instructors sat. Occasionally, one would trick an exceptionally dumb recruit into thinking they were doing a commendable job in their training. They would offer them a dessert as a reward. The idea of being able to tell your mom back home that you got a metaphoric gold star and were allowed a special privilege, was too much temptation for some. Those who were wise to the attempted hoodwinking still had to comply, lest they face the wrath of disobeying an order. Once the dish was picked up, chaos ensued. What followed were broken plates, inaudible screeching, and the worst 30 seconds of that recruit’s life. Knife hands and phlegm occupied every square inch of a two foot bubble around the victim’s face.
I’m being faithful
Every guy and girl who ever wore a uniform know someone victimized by Jodie. Many of us know it first hand or have lived through it. Jodie is the gender neutral name that represents one of the worst types of heartbreaks, infidelity. Few things are more agonizing than witnessing this unfold. First, you hear someone talk for a month about their life plans with a sweetheart. Then one night, you hear them sobbing in cleaning supply locker with a letter balled in their fist. My hats off to any brave soul who found out this news, and still had to soldier on.
Do you have any lies to add to the list? Did you experience any of these? Leave us a comment!