Totally Made Up And Not True

Veteran Without Beard Accused of Stolen Valor

Good morning, afternoon or evening, for those of you reading, we come to you with a tragic story of a young veteran who was either unable to grow a beard or chose of his own free will to not grow a beard and was mocked incessantly by civilians at his local university. Despite numerous pictures …

Veteran Without Beard Accused of Stolen Valor Read More »

Area 51 Chronicles: Day of the Chad

The heat waves rose dramatically as if this were the opening scene of a movie, but this wasn’t a movie…this was real life (totes). The lines of Chads ready to do battle stood solemnly in their boat shoes. An odd choice of footwear for assaulting a heavily fortified military base and potentially sporting the alien …

Area 51 Chronicles: Day of the Chad Read More »

getting caught

Marines To Get Punished For Getting Caught, Not Smuggling

If there is one thing the United States Marine Corps cannot stand it’s being shitty at your job. Whatever your job is, whether killin’ people, or fixing vehicles, or getting comms up…it doesn’t matter. The Marine Corps due to our small size and mission, can’t have people being shitty at their jobs. Your job is …

Marines To Get Punished For Getting Caught, Not Smuggling Read More »

Area 51 Chronicles: Naruto Runners

Swift like eagles they descended upon the fortified lines defending the Groom Lake installation. Their delta swept arms did indeed enable them to surge to speeds faster than speeding bullets one problem though…they weren’t trying to outrun the bullets, rather, they were running headlong into them. They had failed to take into account the most …

Area 51 Chronicles: Naruto Runners Read More »

The Most Important Piece Of Gear Ever Issued…Ever

Some may think we’re going to talk about your rifle, your service weapon, old reliable (as long as you filthy shits cleaned your weapon), but we’re not. Certainly, we don’t want to discredit or do a disservice to the service rifle as it is aptly important, but it’s not the most important. Rather the most …

The Most Important Piece Of Gear Ever Issued…Ever Read More »

Area 51 Chronicles: The Karen Assault

The sun had reached it’s highest point in the desert sky. Hundreds of thousands of Karens stood ready in their battle lines. Their short-cropped hair was just long enough to keep the intense inferno from burning their necks. They awaited the signal. The sound of 1 million cans of Monster being cracked at exactly the …

Area 51 Chronicles: The Karen Assault Read More »

Marines Draw Phallic Shape Using New Weapon System

Marine Corps Base Camp Pendelton, Oceanside California: Marines from 5th Marines used and abused the new Compact Laser Weapon System (CLaWS), designed to take out small drones, to draw a giant dick-shaped firebreak on the side of the famous Alpha Shelf while in transit to a range. Visible to the naked eye and to aircraft …

Marines Draw Phallic Shape Using New Weapon System Read More »