Don’t Be That Guy: Crossbows
There’s always that one friggin’ guy, “That Guy“. How did he make it through life thus far? Now he’s getting a crossbow? Wait! Don’t let that guy get a crossbow. Shit! Damn! We’ve got a slew of other words coming out of our mouths at this time, but we’ll press on. We still can’t believe you let that guy get a crossbow. Here are a few safety tips for first-time crossbow owners to ensure they don’t…die.
Rule Number One:
Do not, we repeat DO NOT, point the loaded crossbow at yourself or anyone else. If an accident occurs you will be charged with murder (possibly manslaughter), you’ll be dead, or you’ll have a hole in an extremely odd place. Seriously the same rule applies to a crossbow as it does a gun. DON’T DO IT.
Rule Number Two:
It’s absolutely imperative that you do not get a shitty crossbow. Actually no wait, maybe you should get one that falls apart when you try to fire it the first time. That way you won’t be tempted to get another one.
Rule Number Three:
No trick shots. You’re not William Tell. Don’t try to impress your friends. Although the crossbow is easy to pick up and become proficient with, you’re not a world-class archer. Reference rule number one!
Rule Number Four:
Do not carry your crossbow around in public. It’s the 21st century. Unless you’re walking from your car to the archery range, from the store where you bought it, don’t brandish your medieval tech like your Robin Hood (we know he’s an archer, but can you think of a famous crossbowman, didn’t think so). That’s a quick way to get shot by the modern crossbow (its called a gun). Nobody thinks you’re cool or trendy cause you shoot a bow, it’s not a fashion accessory.
Rule Number Five:
Finally, keep the crossbow and its ammo out of reach of your children. We don’t even know why we have to say this, but the proclivity of That Guy to do stupid shit with weapons is only surpassed by allowing easy access to his weapons by children.
Hopefully, these rules keep you safe. However, the most important thing that you can remember is to think before you act. If you ever find yourself about to do something, stop, think and ask yourself if doing this thing will make you That Guy. If it will, don’t do it!