It’s Wildly Impractical, but It’d Be Cool: Bring Back Battleships

Remember battleships? No not the game, the actual like big ass, huge gun having, take a beating and keep on floating (or displacing water so the Navy doesn’t get all geeky on us) ships that used to rule the seas? We should bring those back. Yes, we know it’s totally impractical, but also it’d be super cool to see a carrier battle group with all the escort ships and then like… one or two battleships just being old and crotchety.


Nobody messes with us now, but some countries are getting bold and starting to be froggy, not that we’d name names (North Korea, Iran…). It’d be nice just to have the intimidation factor of let’s say the U.S.S. Missouri firing all nine of its 16-inch guns at the same time right near the border of North and South Korea when the North gets a little uppity.

‘Hey see these? Yeah, these are our OLD weapons, stop messing around North Korea!’

We’re not so ignorant as to think it’d be a viable solution, but goodness gracious great balls of fire it’d be funny as hell. Could you imagine the literal shitstorm that would take place in newsrooms across the U.S.? While we at American Grit would be yucking it up because the U.S. Navy just spent like fifty thousand dollars (that’s an estimate, we’re not sure how much a broadside by all nine guns would cost, the internet let us down) telling a country to F*** off.

Like we said wildly impractical and even borderline reckless, but really, like really super entertaining. And correct us if we’re wrong, we doubt it though, but we’re pretty sure the ‘Mighty Mo’ could throw some shade North Korea’s way since, you know it was the first battleship to beat up on the Commies during the Korean War.

‘Hey, guys remember me, wanna play catch?’

‘We got that boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom pow’ (Get it? Because nine guns)

It’s like a big floating middle finger!

Navy, we don’t care what anyone says about you because one, you got Corpsman, who we love and two you had battleships, which make gloriously big explosions which we also love.


Know what we're sayin fam?

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1 thought on “It’s Wildly Impractical, but It’d Be Cool: Bring Back Battleships”

  1. I don’t think you’re too far off with this, the only thing I have issue with is the statement that it’s impractical. With the advent of the rail gun projectal delivery system, a fleet of big gun heavy bombardment ships is a practical and possible idea.
    I, for one, would love to see the big girls go back to the ball and show the world they can still dance with the best of them. Add in a new generation of battleships with the rail gun systems… That ball would be a rave!


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