Oakland University Armed And Silly

Categories: Asshole of the Week, Funny, News

Look, we get that not everyone is comfortable packing heat. If you want to, you do, if you don’t want to you don’t. If you’re lucky though and we use that term very sarcastically, you could arm yourself much like Oakland Universtiy has armed their students and faculty. With big ass machine guns hockey pucks. No, we’re not stupid and yes we checked to see if this was fake, but apparently, it is not (we wish we were though, how sad, pathetic and stupid).

Students and faculty at Oakland University, located in Rochester, Michigan have decided that in the event of a mass shooter, they’ll take that hoser down with a dense black rubber disk of justice. Why? Because when the asshole utilizing a firearm that sends projectiles out at hundreds of feet per second with a rifled barrel to increase accuracy is coming at you, they will most certainly be deterred by your ability to fling a small rubber disk at tens of feet per second at their face, and almost certainly f***ing miss. That was sarcasm in case you didn’t figure that out by now.

The  Oakland University Police Chief Mark Gordon did, in fact, comment on this new policy stating that running and hiding was your best option, and if all else failed, flinging a hockey puck at the sack of shit carrying out this violent act was better than nothing because getting hit with a hockey puck, you know, it really smarts like a motherf***er.

What sort of backward ass bullshit pageantry horseshit is this? Do you know what also hurts a mass shooter? Bullets. Do you know what else is more accurate than your flimsy armed limp-wristed throw? A rifled barrel, whether on a pistol or on a rifle.

Oakland University, we need to ask. Are you stupid or dumb? Are you going to carry an entire sleeve of hockey pucks like an enlarged sleeve of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies, making them assault pucks?

Wow. Just wow. No wonder Rappers like 6ix 9ine exist.

Oakland University, this is a really great way to get people killed. You should be ashamed of yourself for promoting such bullshit antics.


Know what we're sayin fam?

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One thought on “Oakland University Armed And Silly

  1. The same thing is happening at/in the public schools in Linden Michigan as well. I went through a long dynamic logical explanation to our freshman on why she will not participate in this activity and what to as an alternative to this. This is insanity at best!