Everyone put everything down and stop whatever the f*** it is you’re doing. We here at American Grit have just received word through the Lance Corporal underground that a Marine, a PFC, from 2nd Battalion 5th Marines based out of Camp Pendelton, California has started dating a girl from Oceanside and after coitus and the usual obligatory trip to BAS after sleeping with a girl from “Oceanslime”, the young PFC’s test results have come back negative for any venereal disease.
While many Marines in his company and platoon were shocked, his squad leader didn’t buy it. He told us as he packed a fat dip in his bottom lip;
“Bullshit…I bet we just don’t have the ability to detect what he’s got because the STDs out here have evolved to be undetected. Give it time, his dangle will start to burn and he’ll learn the same the rest of us did.”
While the Corpsman that attended to the young PFC stated;
“No I punched homeboys bore really well if there was anything in there, man we got it, but he’s clean. I can’t f***in’ believe it but he’s clean.”
Despite this abnormal circumstance, the Battalion Commander and Battalion Sergeant Major went on record telling their Marines that just because this Marine was able to get away with not putting on his “raincoat” when he went out to party, doesn’t mean the rest of the Marines should follow his example. After all PFC’s have a rich history of doing shit in the present that comes back to bite them in the ass in a few years, so we’d best wait this one out and see.
Other commands were not so lucky as word of this spread like wildfire and they were unable to get out in front of it. Hundreds of Marines reported back from weekend liberty with a record number of STDs and future dependents on the way.