Happy Dead Stalin Day
Some would say…it’s not nice to celebrate the death of someone. They say that…in that person’s own way, they were just doing the best they could to get through the shit-show that is adulthood and life. Those people who’d say that…when speaking of Joseph Stalin, can go f*** themselves with a chainsaw. Joseph Stalin will always be remembered, at least by people that read books and shit, as one of the worst people to ever live and one of the most murderous pieces of shit in the 21st century. Mao beat him out. It’s like the worst people always seem to flock to Communism…hmm what a trend.
On this day in 1953, that mustachioed tyrant died. And we’re going to celebrate. As should you. Because f*** Stalin and f*** Communism. If you’re curious as to why we’re so happy about this day, it’s because that walking, talking shithead killed anywhere between ten and twenty million of his own people…because you know Communism is totes for the people. What a f***in’ Utopia!
In the mid-1940s when Stalin was at the “height” of his power, the Soviet Union had a population of 170.6 million people. Let’s do the math right quick. We’re going to use the 170 million as the population from 1945 and the estimated twenty million killed. Rounding the numbers up just to be on the safe side…you had a 1 in 11 chance of being killed in Stalin’s glorious Soviet utopia. Think of ten other dudes or dudettes, add yourself in, one of you gets dead for being a “political dissident”. Nice right?
Let us also not forget that until Hitler double-crossed him, Stalin was totes cool with the Nazi’s f***ing up the rest of Europe. It’s only when Hitler’s ambitions led him to strike at his one-time ally that Stalin decided Nazi Germany was totally not cool. They weren’t in love, but tyrants of a feather always commit mass murder.
So remember kids. Commies suck ass and are usually friendly with other murderous totalitarian regimes. Despite whatever utopia they promise you, you’re more than likely going to get the utopia of a gulag and hard labor for the rest of your days.
#HDSD (Happy Dead Stalin Day)
Know what we're sayin fam?
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