Air Force, you get a lot of shit talked about you guys during any sort of interservice banter. However, we will say this. Mad respect to the AC-130 series of gunships. Shit circles overhead and rains a metaphorical shit ton of “f*** you” to asshole insurgents down on the ground. It’s a great plane. Albeit on an aircraft that is so ugly we’d rather have Rosie O’Donnell on our list of potential “Hall Passes”.
But ugly airplane aside, this platform is getting an upgrade and we couldn’t be more excited. Why? Because when it comes to raining f*** you down on the enemy, the new Ghostrider AC-130J does it with style. Want some Hellfire missiles? Sure! Want some AFG-176 Griffin Missiles? Let’s launch those bitches out of the back of the aircraft! How about some GBU-39 Small Diameter Bombs? Shit yeah, we can do that too!
And the topper on the cake…you want a directed energy weapon that’ll be Putin (see what I did there) literal heat on some unfortunate Communist sumbitch? The AC-130J will soon have that capability as well. Motherfluckin laser beams literally blazin’ it up! The first of its kind was delivered to the Air Force this week and we can’t wait to not hear about all the no good broskis that get sent to the hereafter by this aircraft.
The only way this aircraft would be any cooler is if it was on like a bigger aircraft and had like double or even triple the weapons…(here’s looking at you C-17 and C-5)
Coupled with the 105mm howitzer and the 30mm autocannon, the AC-130J has all the bells and whistles you could ever hope for, but even so, it still leaves us wanting more. Why? Because you dolts, more big ass flucking guns on big ass flucking planes in a gaudy and ostentatious manner, will always be something that I, as an American enjoy to the fullest extent possible.