Navy SEALs Inspire Every Cool & Deadly Thing Ever (SATIRE)

Categories: Funny, Satire

Recently a German man used a trick to survive off the coast of New Zealand for several hours. He used his pants to rig a makeshift flotation device…much like the Navy SEALs…(or any other amphibious branch, like the Coast Guard, or the Marine Corps, or just the Navy in general). The trick brought tons of attention to the technique that obviously was pioneered by Navy SEALs, even though the technique has been around much longer than the SEALs.

Historically speaking, if you read ancient manuscripts, any and all tactics that work and anything cool, it was all created by Navy SEALs.

Going back all the way to Alexander the Great, if you read the writings of Arrian, when describing the phalanx, it speaks of the noise discipline that Alexander the Great enforced on his phalanx, a tactic he no doubt, learned from Navy SEALs.

Moving forward in time, when Julius Ceasar crossed the Rubicon, how do you think he did it (pay no heed to the fact that it is nothing more than a small stream)? Ancient militaries were not known for their extreme amphibious skill. You already know the answer. Navy SEALs taught him how to cross a water obstacle with no bridge.

Fast forward even more, and if you look hard enough, General Carl von Clausewitz, author of “On War” and Jomini, another contemporary general both in original texts, documented the success of elite force raids that they too learned from…dun dun duuuun….Navy SEALs.

While you may think, that hey, this is just a western occurrence and therefore mere coincidence, we’d point you to a line in Sun Tzu’s famous opus “The Art of War”, chapter five.

“Much like the Navy SEALs, be like the frog, skilled in both water and on land.”

In 1929, while walking along the beaches in Atlantic City, Sam Foster saw several well-muscled men with long flowing locks and short shorts wearing strange devices covering their eyes. This spurred Sam to create…well technically steal the idea of sunglasses for commercial use. Who were these men? But of course, you had to have already guessed, they were Navy SEALs.

Know what we're sayin fam?

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