5 Stages of Jody

5 Stages of Jody

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www.pinterest.com[/caption]We’ve all seen it. Jody is everywhere, and if you haven’t had a first hand experience with this suave, sweet talking panty dropper, then you have a close battle buddy who has. It’s a story as old as war itself. Man goes on deployment. Man tells girlfriend he can’t wait to come back to her. Jody swoops in and takes said girlfriend to the bone zone. Man returns to find that she has moved on. Man is sad.That’s the short version. Now, here’s how it all breaks down, step by step.

1. I’ll wait for you.

It’s time for another deployment, and your sweet, caring girlfriend sees you off with one last wild night, and a care package of mementos to remember her by. A picture of you two together, and maybe a little letter for you to read on the bus ride out, filled with promises of how happy you two will be when you return. Aww, that’s sweet. She’s really thoughtful. You can’t wait to see her again in 6-13 months. In your mind, she’ll just be patiently waiting in her house, holding a framed picture of you, checking her watch, and counting the minutes until your triumphant return home.[caption id="attachment_891" align="alignleft" width="150"]

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2. I’ve been going out with the girls

It’s all very harmless. The poor girl misses you, so she’s biding her time by partying with her close girlfriends. Don’t worry. At this point she’s still out at the bar bragging that her boyfriend is valiantly defending freedom over seas. Stay away, guys. This one’s taken. Of course, telling everyone that her boyfriend is away for an extended period of time is what you DON’T want. Repeating that rhetoric is making her realize something. “Oh shit, I just swore off sex for a whole year!” You’re only young once, and tossing away a whole year in the middle of your prime really isn’t that awesome. Are you worth a year of celibacy? We’ll see.

3. We’re just friends

So, she was talking to some guy at a mutual friend’s party? It’s probably nothing. But then you happen to see that they’re tagged in a few pictures together on Facebook. It looks like they were having a little too much fun. She’s not supposed to have fun without you!Now comes that first “who the fuck is that guy?” conversation. This will be the spark that starts the entire forest fire that is your dwindling relationship. You should have tread lightly, and simply gathered the intel on “who the fuck is this guy.” You didn’t do that, did you? You flew off the handle because you’re feeling threatened. You don’t want some other dude doing your job. The sad truth is that she’s lonely, and he’s there and you’re not.

4. Kinda sorta fucked him.

She’s lonely. That, my friend, is unfortunately your fault. Jody always seems to show up at the parties she’s going to, and she’s always complaining about how much she misses her boyfriend. It’s a lot harder than she thought it would be to put her libido in storage for a year, and dust it off only upon your return. Like all parties, the alcohol is always flowing, and with excess booze flow always comes a plethora of bad decisions.Now comes the tearful confession over the phone. You finally get the chance to call your lady and catch up on what has been going on at home. Apparently you’ve missed a lot. Through the sobs, she apologizes and explains how she doesn’t even know how it happened. She was drunk and got caught up in the moment. Whoops. She swears she’ll never see him again, and begs you not to beat his ass when you get home. She will, and you fully intend to.

5. Done and done

You’ve stopped calling home, and you’re planning your leave. First, you’re going to kick Jody’s ass, and then you’ll call some ex girlfriend to lick your wounds. It’s been one hell of a deployment, after all. Just make sure you’re not one of the dummies that gets back with his cheating girl, just to pretend that none of this ever happened. She was crazy anyway. This is what Jody's are for. They feast on our leftovers. They’re the scavengers of humanity, and as long as there’s conflict in the world, they’ll do just fine.[mwi-cat-listing cat="94" ppp="4" cols="4" desc="false" type="view" btn_color="black" ]